I might be the only one, but the new iPhone app “Exodus International” kind of amuses me. Only in today’s world would people believe they could cure people’s homosexuality with an app. When Judy Garland or Freddy Mercury comes on the television, it buzzes “Warning-Gays-Warning-Gays” or when the owner puts on a pink shirt or tight jeans, it zaps him until he takes those gay clothes off and puts on some cargo pants and a hoodie. Walking into a gay bar will actually make the phone explode in your pocket. I understand the attempt in an app world that makes facebook look like a church dating convention. I read that there are over 6,000 different smartphone dating apps, grindr being the one that probably scares the Exodus people the most as it tells gays exactly how far other gays on grindr are, whether 2 feet, 100 feet or 15 miles, but people aren’t finding love any quicker, even if the guy with big pecs in the cafe next door that is appearing on the screen seems enticing. These apps might make old dating sites like lovecupid and manhunt and e-harmony seem antiquated, but they will not cure your gay, just as they won’t make your grandmother any more accepting or unicorns real.
The 100,000 people who have petitioned against the app, while well-intentioned, are just giving legitimacy to something that is clearly ridiculous. It is a stupid idea that gayness can be cured in the first place, but one that must be fought especially because the books of the fake psychologist who came up with the idea has been used in Uganda as reason to pass the death penalty against people who persist in acting as homosexuals. But that they are now curing it with an app just shows how dimwitted these people are. Apple did remove an app before Prop-8 was passed that called homosexuals “immoral sexual partners” following the signatures of only 7,000 petitioners for promoting hateful content, and this certainly qualifies as such, and regardless its 4+ rating as “non-offensive” is completely incomprehensible. But we need to stop giving legitimacy to these organizations that attempt to change people with a simple app. Soon we will be having an app for your psychologist, an app for your doctor, an app for a lawyer to represent you in court, and maybe an app for public education so we don’t have to take the trouble to send our kids to school. Or maybe we already have these apps. I don’t actual have a smartphone so I don’t actually know. I’m still in the dark ages of the early 2000s with a very dumbphone. But I’m pretty positive no one is getting cured from being gay by an app, so let’s not add fuel to the fire by giving them the attention they don’t deserve, and instead just call them what they are: really fucking stupid.
Update: Apple has canceled the Exodus International app following 150,000 signatures in protest, a necessary move considering the attention given to the situation.